I was just sitting at work thinking about something you said to me the other day on the phone about “admiring (my) dedication to self-care.”
I want you to know that it feels really good to be validated for that and for someone to recognize that is an important skill to have. Thank you for providing that validation. I feel that our world in general really admires people who will give everything they have got to the point of their own detriment for the betterment of others. Taking time and energy back from that is certainly a challenge.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about times in my life when I felt like I was more productive or made better art or made more art or was just in general more successful. I think back to high school when I couldn’t make my own choices about when to socialize and had to find ways to entertain myself in my room alone. I think back to college when I was surrounded by a community of people who encouraged me to create.
I am trying really hard to reclaim all the time that I feel is wasted on people who are not supportive of me. I am trying really hard to ignore all the naysayers who want to invalidate the things have established for myself that I need (more alone time to be creative, to rest, to perform self-care.) Be gone all the friends who want to drag me out of the house when I need sleep and who don’t respect my needs. Be gone friends who want to pressure me into drinking on nights when I shouldn’t be. Be gone all the people who don’t respect my time, my goals, or me.
I know I need to be in a space where I have alone time to focus on myself and to ‘play’ with art supplies privately, and make ‘bad art’ without getting any feedback from other people about it. Now I just need to practice every day to make that happen. It almost feels like a diet, where you make ‘the right choice’ at every meal to be a better you.
Thank you for reading my word vomity feelings and thoughts. I hope they are meaningful or helpful to you in some way. I’m glad we manage to stay friends despite the distance.
Love you girl,